“So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.”—
The Perks of Being A Wallflower | Submitted by: wecanallbesaved (via quote-book)
would you guys understand it if I said… my heart hurts. Its like there is this unexplained weight on it that makes it hard to breathe. When I think of him it hurts. Did I just fucking say that? Oh boy. Well, it’s true. I can’t help but feel sad, it’s like it was my one shot and I fucked it up royally. Oh boy. Bleh. Oh well…I will be fine-er tomorrow :) I think I did pretty well today, considering.
): oh, ashley. how i love you. -insert virtual hug here- things will be okay.
my least favorite day of the week is ovveerrrrr yes!! i havent been able to write all break either because i was just busy. i was at retreat for church in berekely/oakland which was friggin awesome. awesome people, good experience. i was sad when it was over. im so visiting l.a and vegas when i have the chance.
i get my license in march, and thats before spring break, soooo….
hahaha. well yesterday i spent most of my day, literally 1/3 of it writing an essay for maples’ class. he loves assignin us them essays! D:
anyways. i saw avatar over the break with my family too! it was pure amazgineness! i thought it would be so stupid. like every other girl haha. but it turned out to be amazing and i regret saying it was prbly gunna be stupid.
im in the process of reading dear john, since my friend basically kinda shoved it in my face to read it haha, even tho it was funny as hell. the book’s…meh. okay. havent finished yet, so havent read the grande finale yet. feelings might change.
oh next weeks finals, oh my god. no. this week/weekend is fully dedicated to studies. yipeeeee. my three day weekend is ruined. but atleast after finals, we have another three day weekend! SHOPPING AND MOVIES, ANYONE?!?!!?!?
hahahaa. im obsessed with anime and manga right now. oh jesus. i read the new vampire knight, number 11. wowzas. i love vampire knight. and detective conan and death nmote and pot and one piece and bleeehhhh so much more. im hooked for sure.
and im already plannig stuff for the summer, i think im gunna drive down to l.a since ill have my license by then and go to the beaches and chill. actually in the first two weeks im gunna finish all of my summer hw. so i dont have to worry about it later. and I AM NOT TAKING STUPID SUMMER CLASSES UGGHHHH!!
worst mistake of my life. holy christ. never doing that again. anyway i just wanna go visit my friends tht were at retreat and do a bit of shopping. who knows, i might meet my favoriteeeeee miley cyrus at urban outfitters or something! :) <3
jk. miley needs to stop hogging up the hot australian boys for the love of christ. she doesnt deserve them.
wow this is just a loooong ramble of my life. but thats what blogs are supposed to be, right? i love blogs. i think tumblrs my favorite out of facebook and myspace and twitter and blahhh. so many social networking sites these days. crazy. well it seems like im the onyl one in my APUSH class that finished their homework for tomorrow and apbio and french. WHAT NOWWWWWW. haha. btw, my news years resolution is to stop cussing. tehe, i kinda broke it today. but for a little bit. god im so bad.
but i gotta read chapter 7 of apbio since i failed tht test. ugghhhh. and finals. actually, i think ill take a nap first, my eyes cant stay open right now. nap for 15 mins, then homeowrk time. :(
i wish i had time to hang out wihtmy school friends more. :( i miss walks to downtown willow glen with ashley and rambling about random stuff with alexa and julienne and amanda and jessica and eveyrbody. D:
i miss my happy life.
oh well, time to stay positive! goodbye for now.
p.s. i REALLY feel like panda express mandarin chicken right now. maybe ill go for the asu thing. :P
2. Feeling too dumb for Calculus so I don’t ask anybody for help
3. Mr Maple’s interesting lesson thing on life and death
4. Connecting that^ to the dying grandmother I hardly talk about
5. My parents***********
7. People in the Canoas office. They JUST realized I was a volunteer after like, 5 months, and are finally telling me to sign in and wear a volunteer sticker each day.
8. Finding out I can’t go to John or Alexa’s tommorow because I have to pick up Justin and babysit that big baby.
Aspects of my day not mentioned above that may or may not relate to my crawl-in-a-hole-and-die mood:
-Today I got to school early. Pretty good for a Monday. So yay. I was the first person in History class and it was kind of awkward ‘cause Johansen was like “Russian women. Maybe that’s what I need.” I just give an odd look. He says “Oh, I got this e-mail that talked about Russian women. Maybe that’s what I need to get married.” \Awkward silence until Danielle and Dominic walk in 3 minutes later/
-During SSR, I’m like two pages away from finishing my book. I started tearing up because Henry died and Clare was reading a letter he left for her. Suchhh a sucker for those silly unusual romance novels.
-Walk into Calculus. It feels empty and strange, but I’m pretty sure it’s just me. Maybe its just the room. Or the people. I just really don’t enjoy my time there. This girl was handing out ASU flyer things for a fundraiser, and even asked me if I wanted more than one so I could pass some out. “No,” I say. Honestly I find it kind of offending because Panda Express is not real Asian food. If you’re in ASU, you should be spreading some real culture. But whatever. Just high school students trying to make money for their club. I understand. Later I get mad at myself for drawing a guy about to be sawed in half while being fed on by rats (image from the story Maples read) on an old stamp sheet. I contemplate about the future. I think about my grandma. I felt alone and a slightly uncomfortable.
- Lunch wasn’t bad. Ashley told her winterball story and John gave me a nice comforting hug while Hedal was wacky as usual. This was probably the only time throughout the day where I felt fine, besides during testing in 0 period
- After lunch I painted some stuffz on my bowl for 3D Design. Still not done. Ugh. Why did I have to make my bowl w/so many little details? I’m really hoping I’ll get it done by tommorow, and it BETTER look good when it comes out of the kiln.
-During volunteering this cute little half asian boy named Nicholas Ku was staring at me while I pulled out papers from a practice booklet to make packets. He smiled when I looked up, just made me go “AWWW” in my head.
-I made a grilled cheese when I got home. It wasn’t that tasty. My tastebuds are like missing or something.
- I’ve been blogging and kind of moping around the house since then. I can’t do hw cause I just sit there and stare at the paper. I still have to write my cultural event and do bio hw. Yuck.
Hopefully, if this week is gonna be like last week, I should be feeling amazing again by Wednesday.
Sarah and Amanda’s posts made me want to post something big, but I never have that much to say :(
Well here’s some things: I want to go to Tilly’s today because I still have a gift card from my birthday. I need to paint my room and drive this week. I really miss Markus. He can never talk after school anymore because he’s always busy. Literally EVERY day last week he was busy. I miss Woodland. I want to watch A Perfect Getaway again. The CD Katie made for me with The Matches unreleased songs, She & Him, Dizzy Ballon and The Beatles doesn’t work! I’m starving. I’ll never find a solution for my uncontrollable hair. I gotta peeeee! I also need to start my French homework. I wish it was summer 2008 again. Really badly.
That’s all for now, maybe I’ll post more later. <3
): i’m sorry that you don’t get to talk to markus much! and i, also, enjoy reading your posts… whenever i happen to get on. teehee.
Well. Kind of half optimistic and half pessimistic.
It looks like at this point that my license test will probably not be until March, instead of Febuary. Febuary is pretty soon and my parents don’t feel like I’m ready to take the test. (UGH. SO LAME. What will a month difference do anyway.) But on the bright side, March isn’t tooo far away, and I guess some more practice would be good for me. It’s mostly parking and backing out of spaces that I have trouble with.
All I can do is wait. Wait wait wait. Every single day. I count down the months until I get closer and closer to taking that test. I count down the months until junior year ends. I count down the months until I graduate, and even until I start college and can leave home. If I knew exact dates, I could count down the days. But I don’t. I can’t wait for these events to occur, but I do. Time and waiting. Inevitable. My home doesn’t feel like a home to me. I feel trapped. But I guess that’s what most teenagers feel, because we’re all yearning for some freedom, right?
awe! i thought you were supposed to get it in january? guess it had to be pushed back since your parents were so hesitant in letting you drive? meh. i’m sorry! i think you’re a really good driver! ):
I just wanted to say that I really hope you feel better soon, because you are one of my best friends and I care about you lots! You’ve always been a great person to me and you deserve nothing less, so don’t let whatever happened last night get to your head. You’re an amazing girl, who cares about anybody else. Screw Tawni and Camille and all those other whores. If he ever hurts you again I’m gonna kill him! Well actually…I’ll get John to do that.
i.am.so.fucking.crying.right now. i love you. thank you.i really love you. thank you.
ashley… ): i’m so sorry. i heard from amanda. i want you to know that i love you as well. i know that everything will work out for you! you’re an amazing, beautiful (inside and out) person. you deserve more than what he can offer. just wait, it’ll happen for you. if you ever need a shoulder or just someone to talk to… i’m here, okay?